Animated Atrocities 66/Transcript
Welcome to the ultimate culmination of "it's just for kids." Some viewers may find this disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised. And now we see the mating habits of the rainbow. As you can see, when they touch each other in such a way, out pops a demon spawn. Intro Welcome back to G3 of My Little Pony. Or really G3.5. It counts as G3 and it counts as G3.5 if you don't know. Late into this generation's lifespan, Hasbro decided to redesign all the ponies in order to make more money. And they decided to cut back on effort and budget into their cartoons to make more money. And they decided to give me nightmares to get more money. But, believe it or not, this isn't exactly considered G3.5. I actually don't know WHAT the fuck it is! But, it's baaaad... It's really FUCKING baaad! Where do I begin? Uh, let's start with the obvious: the animation. The fucking animation. The rest of Generation 3 was bad, but at least I could look at it without my eyes bleeding! These character designs are so hideous. And that's the tip of the iceberg here, but down to business. I think I found the worst animated thing in the universe! of Dusk's Dawn with a clip from Over Two Rainbows overlayed on top I mean look: a fan project by unprofessional individuals looks like Disney compared to this shit. And that's only comparing screenshots! Before we begin, there's only one question I've got for you guys: how do you want your brains? Fried or scrambled? Why am I stalling? You know, besides all of the reasons? Let's just begin! logo appears Do you really want to put your name on this piece of shit? I mean, you could just pass it off as a fan film. Oh wait, this is before Friendship is Magic. God, this franchise really was on its last legs... Hey, logo, can we talk? On what planet do these abominations look like equines of any kind? Because it sure ain't FUCKING Earth! Okay, so we start off by having the screen throw out some colors at us. And we see what's on the other side of the rainbow. Keep in mind that this is all part of an 11-minute 'thing', and all these scenes are doing are wasting time. appear Ooh butterflies. Look, stupid children, there are butterflies. They'll keep you quiet while your parents neglect you! We follow what I'm assuming any of this show's budget went to. reading The fuck? First of all, yeah, ripping off the first G3 episode again! Just replay the fucking animation! It'll be cheaper and somehow better! Secondly, what the fuck is she awkwardly staring at? The camera spins around because, I can only assume it died and honestly I don't blame it. Then we get our title screen. Yaaay. By the way, it has almost nothing to do with this episode; there are two rainbows, but that's about it. They don't go over it, or do anything with it. Pinkie Pie: I remember the day Sweetie Belle first came to Ponyville. chuckles How could any of us forget? Who's Sweetie Belle? Look, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. While I Don't Fucking Know is reading, three 'aliens' are just staring off into space smiling. Have you ever heard of a brain fart? Well, I'm assuming that these things had a brain bowel evacuation because they're just staring. For the love of God, picture books are more animated than this piece of shit! Pinkie Pie: '''And Rainbow Dash looked better than ever! LIAR! She looks better after being mutilated with toxic waste and being hatched from a spider's EGG SACK! I mean, if we're going through G3 continuity, hell, G3.5 continuity- WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT!? Wow! Even though this is one of the laziest ass pieces of pandering that I've ever fucking seen, they managed to be even more lazier by holding still on frames for no apparent reason. Ah, I was right. This IS a fucking picture book! Actually, if it was, I could FUCKING BURN IT'! '''Rainbow Dash: '''Be sure to get my good side! chuckles Who said that? I would say that they're not even trying, but-but I really don't have to state the obvious, do I? I take back what I said in Operation Princess: I guess keeping the mouths closed the entire time ''would be worse! Because, their mouths. Don't move. Once. They literally drew one flash asset, for each of the characters, and moved it around. This must be the only animation, in existence, that lasts longer than it took to make. Rainbow Dash: '''Nevermind, they're both good. And don't forget the scarf! Oh hey, you're a VAPID ASSHOLE! Excellent! '''StarSong: '''Yeah, Rainbow Dash, it's super sweet! '''Rainbow Dash: '''Be sure to get my good side! Oh my God, they're only using one voice actress! SOMEONE PUNCH ME! They're only using one voice actress. Is there something I'm missing? clip of "Dexter and Computress Get Mandark!" Is this like that Dexter's Lab episode where some 7-year-old sent something and then they decided to air it? No, that would actually be better. I'm not even joking! Yeah, I could say that I could do better, but literally ANYONE COULD DO BETTER than what's on at the screen here!! '''Pinkie Pie: '''Not one cloud at the sky. Well, not at first anyway. This is what's going to settle for a conflict in this thing: a rainstorm. demonic voice Their god shall smite them. normal '''NO! '''They have no god! '''StarSong: '''This doesn't look so good. Sorry, someone messaged me on AIM. No wait, I don't have AIM I use Skype. For the love of animation! TRY. SOMEWHERE! I mean FUCKING TRY! '''Pinkie Pie: Everyone, into my playhouse! Quick! Not even trying to sync it up properly? Did you literally try anywhere? The voice acting has no direction. The character models look hideous. It's BARELY animated! Your sound effects are STOLEN! It's edited like SHIT! And the story? Good FUCKING God, WHAT story!? I said that picture books are better animated, well, PHOTO ALBUMS tell better stories! Rain- no. I'm not calling her Rainbow Dash, I'm just going to call her "the blue one". They will be referred to as "the blue one", "the yellow one", "the pink one" and "the stupid one", because that's what they remind me of! The blue one loses her scarf and that's supposed to be the conflict. The Pink One: Come on. Hurry! Just leave it! Why the hell would you do that? It's not like you're gonna be hit with a hurricane. And, no, the overly dramatic music doesn't convince me otherwise! The worst thing that's going to happen is that you're going to get a little wet. Unless these things melt in the rain. Actually, considering whatever species they are, that might be a distinct possibility. The Blue One: But my scarf. My dress-up party. Because if they didn't mention that, you'd lose the interest of the... wait. I don't even know who the hell this is for. I mean, the normal G3 -- I can't believe I even said that -- is pandering to girls. This has writing that wouldn't even entertain infants! And the models would do nothing but make infants cry! This is virtually useless to ANY AUDIENCE!! Really? Your thunder sound is a drum riff. A cymbal clang. What's the matter? Couldn't find royalty-free thunder sounds? Just wait for a FUCKING STORM OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE! Oh wait, you wanted to kick this out in 5 minutes just to make a quick buck! I understand, you greedy bastards! Huh. It does seem to be a hurricane. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEIR PARENTS?! They literally play the exact same clips over and over again. And then -- my God -- that is some of the most uncanny movement that I have ever seen. The rain stops eventually, and I do mean eventually, because literally all of this is fucking padding! However, this randomly decides that the conflict is that scarf getting wet. And not being trapped during a storm! Oh wait, Hasbro didn't want to teach the toddlers what conflict is so they need more shit like this! The Pink One?: And that's when we saw it. The most amazing, magical, and all-around grandtastical thing a pony can see. Effort? Please be effort. Please be effort! Please be effort!! The Pink One? Two rainbows is one thing. But two rainbows that touch? That's something different altogether! Oh yeah, the rainbows having sex, and spawning out a unicorn. I'm not even being like, I guess the word is creative. They use words like "touch" and "born", so I can only assume that the rainbows are having sex. And, uh, I'm getting some serious Ren Seeks Help flashbacks. What is that baby wrapped in? "ponies" face the screen H-Hey, idiots! Behind you! Just turn around! It-it's over there. STOP STARING AT ME! THE POINT OF INTEREST IS OVER THERE! The pony -- I'll call this one "freak of nature" -- falls into the mud and... The Blue One??: Ah. My scarf! Oh no! Oh, for the love of all things pleasant in this world, there are a shit ton of things you could do to make this clear! Close that pony’s mouth! Control where the audio is coming from! Show the camera on the blue one! HAVE HER MOUTH MOVE! I know that it’s tough to animate, it’s tough to draw, to make things look pleasant to the eye, have each character be fluid, have a story that has some sense of tension, and have sound effects that sound real, but dipshits, THIS IS THE JOB THAT YOU PICKED! Either put your all into it, or get a job as, oh I don’t know, MCDONALD'S JANITORS! You’ll probably be paid more, but then again you probably aren’t qualified! The Blue One: What do you think it is? I have no fucking clue. It looks like nothing I've ever seen before. Why do I feel like the pink one is going to try to eat the white one? I'm not the only one who sees this, right? The Pink One???: Maybe a fairy. Or a dragon. If you're not going to have the mouths move, ONLY HAVE ONE CHARACTER ON-SCREEN AT A TIME. Or have the decency to give each of them a SEPARATE, FUCKING VOICE! What the fuck is it doing with its arms?! You know what, I-I really think that I don't want to know. The Blue One: Yeah, unicorn. But what about my scarf? "Hey, a baby plopped out of the sky, and doesn't got no parents. But, hey, I only care about my clothes, that aren't mine, that got dirty!" What the fuck am I looking at? of nature's eyes widen Good god, that's going to haunt my nightmares. And suddenly, flowers! The blue one doesn't give a crap about anything except the scarf, because these creatures apparently can't hold more than one thing in their minds simultaneously. That's probably what they were doing at the beginning: dropping all of their activities to breathe or, I don't know, metabolize or something. The white one puts the blue one in a bubble, and gets her to fall into the mud with no sound effects whatsoever. The Blue One: Oh no. Can things get any worse? Unless Bendy eats a placenta, Brian Griffin gives a baby herpes, or they make an animated movie of one of the worst video games ever made, I don't think so. The Pink One: Isn't she cute? Hmmm. Is she cute? heard The Blue One: She isn't even supposed to be here! She's a unicorn, and everybody in Ponyville knows that Unicorns belong in Unicornia. Wait a minute. Is the blue one racist? God in heaven, WHAT THE HELL?! Who? How? I-I don't even know. of nature does 'something'?. WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! No, seriously, you've gotta convey this better! I mean, if a full-grown adult doesn't have the capability to process what you're trying to convey, I don't think that the SHIT ON THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOE HAS THE BRAIN POWER TO DO IT EITHER! And that's a damn shame, because that's the only audience who'd ever get to see this! The demon baby fixes the scarf, and then the episode dies! Fashion show from hell, and then there's literally nothing else here! The Pink One: The end! Freak of Nature: belch The Pink One: laughs Sweetie Belle! The fuck? Why the? NO. NO. We're done here. We are done. Oh, and they literally play the beginning of the episode in reverse! Like, I'm surprised the birds don't fly backwards. Producers You FAIL! Director YOU FAIL! Director You were probably having lunch in the five minutes that it took to make this! Producer What'd it cost you? The lint out of the back of your pocket?! Writers Two fucking writers. I'm gonna stop the credits here, because I have some very unpleasant thoughts right now. But, let's get down to the final verdict here. Now, it's one thing when these bullshit-pandering shows make it on television; there's not much you can really do, except tell your kids not to watch them. But this stuff, you've got to specifically go out of your way to buy for your kids. And if you do that, I'm fairly certain you don't give the slightest crap! It won't even keep your kids quiet; they're probably too smart to be entertained by this! I mean, the only thing that I'd ever think of using this for is torturing Buhdeuce and Sway-Sway Clockwork Orange-style! You have to be an infant to accept the juvenile and insulting writing. But if you are an infant, the character models look too FREAKY! I'm insulted that someone would think that this is acceptable for children. My God, it is called Quality Control!! You know what people who make this kind of shit remind me of? They're pretty much Eddy, from Ed, Edd, N' Eddy., without any hint of likeability, just doing a half-ass job to get a quick buck out of unsuspecting kids. And if you wanna defend that, well go ahead! But I'm not! Category:Season 3 Category:Transcripts